Thanks for your support regarding my “should I” or “shouldn’t I” contact my SIL for her birthday. What a big baby I am. I ended up phoning her, but she wasn’t home so I left a message. I also sent a text (and had already posted her a pressie) so hopefully that is enough to make up for the fact that I am bitter and twisted.
I stumbled across a quote today. I wanted to recognise the person that posted it (as I hate to steal ideas) but can’t remember which blog I found it on now. Oh poop. So if you are reading this and thinking “hang on, I said that” then please let me know, I’m not being a word thief, I’m just wielding a crappy memory.
The quote is originally from Eddison and it summed up how I feel about our IF journey so far:
I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that don’t work
Too true, right?
Nothing in particular is happening with me right now. Work is crazy-busy. I am exhausted. I am a bit down in the dumps. But I am still here and am wildly twidling my thumbs until my review appointment on the 29th January. Then I’ll be twiddling my thumbs even more till my 2nd opinon appt with the supposed magical RE on the 25th February. So at this rate I am going to wear out my thumbs from all this twidling and it will be March before we see any more IVF.
There is one person who is clapping her hands with glee that I am giving IVF a break for a few months, and that is my acupuncturist. She’s been dying to have my ovaries to herself for a while and now is her chance. I am carrying on with my weekly appointments with her and am finding them fantastic. She’s given me a book to read to help me understand the theory behind it… so far it is just sitting on the table beside my bed, unopened. But I do plan to read it. Even in my ignorant state I can still appreciate the benefits of this therapy. Yesterday I actually fell asleep on the table! It was only for a few minutes (i think) and it scared the crap out of me as when I woke up I think I did a big snore/snort. How embarrasing, but I was in the room by myself so it could have been worse if I had an audience. I walk out of these appointments literally feeling like I am floating, I am so full of bliss (not a natural state for a stress freak like me) its amazing. At yesterdays appointment she wanted to kick my ovaries into getting a period as I’m on day 29 now and as my cycles are really long I wouldn’t be expecting AF for another 1-2 weeks. My Acu lady wants to tweek my cycles so that they are more in line with the normal 28 day one (goooooood luck to her) and I have to tell you, that today when I woke up I really really felt like I was getting a period and I have started spotting so I am assuming she’s on her way. How weird is that? I can only relate it to acupuncture as, like I said, my cycles are always really long. I know thats what my acu lady was hoping would happen, but I never really thought it would happen. How many times have you been promised things along this IF journey, only to be dissapointed when the results didnt follow through? Yeah, you get my point. So although it isn’t much, its a small blessing and a little hope that maybe my body can behave itself when handled properly.
Another blogger took the words right out of my mouth today. I have been trying to find a way to carry on with ‘life’ without letting IF interfere with it. I know the theory – Don’t make plans for a baby as it might not happen and then you’ll be dissapointed, etc. So the theory is to carry on with life and plan holidays and whatever else I’ve been neglecting because “I might get pregnant”. Obviously I’ve pretty much put my life on hold for 4 years and it hasn’t done me much good. But how do you put aside the most important thing in the world to you and pretend it doesn’t matter anymore? As The Pitter Patter said so perfectly “I don’t want to think of this year without a baby, so how can I not plan for it?”. I guess I need to find a balance somewhere, somehow. Any suggestions?
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